Happiness-For-All Secret: MAKE YOUR CHILD WITH DOWN SYNDROME WORK!

Down Syndrome Parenting 101

Lately as I travel around the country giving reading workshops, I am increasingly asked to also do a session on my book, “Down Syndrome Parenting 101.” I give an overview of the book, of course, which covers everything from oppositional behavior to inclusion to independent living–with a healthy dose of humor along the way–but I have a few Pet Points I like to hit hard in those sessions. Here’s one of them.

Work It!

One of the most important, valuable bits of advice about your child you’ll ever receive is this: Make your child work. 

Why? Why should you make sure that your child with Down syndrome pulls her weight in the family, is a meaningful contributor to the household, and can be relied on to do certain things just like everyone else in the family?

The title of my chapter on this tells it all: “How To Ruin Your Child.” The opening paragraph is this: “How to ruin your child? That one’s easy. I almost did it myself. Here’s how you do it: don’t make them work. Don’t make them carry their weight in the family, take regular responsibility for assigned chores, or in general work as hard as everyone else does. Let them watch lots of TV and DVDs…”

Learning The Hard Way

That’s how I learned. The hard way. I was headed for self-destruct from overwork, and my two little children were headed for lifelong delusion of entitlement, until I read an article in a magazine. A study had been done on happiness in adults; the researchers looked for a single common denominator that could predict happiness. They found only one: All happy adults had been expected to work, to pull their weight, as children. The work they did as children gave them self-esteem and confidence. It is the same for our children with Down syndrome.

That article changed my life. And of course my children’s lives. A child of 4 or 5 with Down syndrome can sort the recycling (paper here, bottles there), put his toys away, etc.; a child of 7 or 8 can sort the laundry (darks in this basket, lights in that basket), collect household wastepaper baskets into one large trash basket, clear the table of dirty dishes, etc.; a child of 9 or 10 can learn to vacuum, to unload the dishwasher onto the counter, etc. A teen can learn to do much more.

No Chores, No!!!

Sticking to your guns on this will eventually produce the most wonderful results. Though initially (initially in this case meant for several years) Jonathan objected to doing his chores, chanting the mantra as he worked, “No chores, No!!! No recycling, no!!!” he was always smiling proudly when he finished his work. He knew I depended on him, that he wasn’t going to get away with not doing it, and he knew he had actually earned his playtime–which always followed chore time. Eventually, he learned to vacuum so well that I retired as Head Vacuum Pusher. It became his job, not mine. He not only sorted the laundry; he put it through the washing machine and dryer.

Chris Burke, “Corky”

Remember the TV show “Life Goes On”? I remember reading an article long ago about an off-camera incident. Chris Burke was in the makeup room being made ready for a shoot. His dad leaned over to him and whispered in his ear, “Don’t forget, Chris; you still have to put the garbage out when we get home.” Do you love that, or what?

Need Help With This?

If you need inspiration, here are two links to help you:

Down Syndrome Parenting 101: Must-Have Advice for Making Your Life Easier

Accountable Kids: this review blog is helpful and includes links to “Accountable Kids,” a system for making “work” work. No, I didn’t use this system; I had to make it up as I went! But if you need a system, this one looks good.

Final word: GO FOR IT! You will never, ever regret it.